Blogchatter A2Z, Motherhood

I Love My Daughter But I Don’t Always Like her

I recall the first time I was head over heels kindda in love with my daughter.

But I dont really recall the first time I fell out of like with her.

My (Katukutu) mama bear love for my daughter has never wavered since her birth. And in the former years of mommyhood, I understood that that love will take us through all ups and lows, that the overwhelming love I had for my baby meant that nothing she could do would ever alter my feelings for her.

Now that she is turning 4 in 6days, it turns out, “love” and “like” are two poles apart feelings. Whilst my love for her is constant and absolute, like is somewhat more of a unpredictable and erratic. Just because the love is always there, that doesn’t mean that the latter automatically comes after.

How can parents love their child, but not like them?

Oh, I love my daughter and I like her. I like her as human beings. She is an amazing individual, and she is all mine (well for now at least). But they have definitely gone through a few phases where I just didn’t like being around her very much.

It’s amazing to see a child grow up, however, it is also scary to see. They can grow into ANY PERSON. They might possibly could grow up to be just like that irritating kid you grew up with whom you hated your whole life. Or they could just become a copy of you MIL whom you genuinely don’t admire much!!!  

And this is when it hit me that my daughter is not the problem. I am. I understood how incredibly unfair it was for me to anticipate that she will grow to be an individual like me, with the similar wants, the similar personality, however not the similar temper. Last September, I had to come to terms with the fact my daughter is a unique person with her own ideas which are radically different from mine.

The first time I experienced this lack of like, I felt awful. How could I not like my own daughter? I thought. What is wrong with me? I’m an awful mother! So I called up my BFF for lifetime MY MOTHER and told her about the situation. And she told me that its okay to feel that way! She told me if I’m not candid to that change then I would never be able to completely understand my daughter. A parent could love their kids, be eager to risk their own life to save theirs… and yet not necessarily “like” who they grow up to be.

Thankfully I’m mostly in the love mode towards her, but for future I have prepared my mind that individuals don’t just at all times get along since they’re family.  That also does not imply you stop feeling love for them. They are still that precious baby you brought in to the world. Of course, they were hurt, your heart will still ache, if they were to feel low or unwell, you will still hold them and let them know that you are there from them…. you will still love them with your heart wholly, and put their wants first. 

12 thoughts on “I Love My Daughter But I Don’t Always Like her

  1. I really do appreciate your honesty in this post. As for me, though my son annoys me at times, I don’t think I’ve ever actively fallen out of “like” with him!

    1. The thing is that we really don’t like the behavourial part…of course they don’t act according to what we are expecting them to… however whatever is the case we never stop loving them

  2. This is a very honest and straight from your heart post Niharika. My son is 3.5 years old and I honestly admit that I get irritated or Lose my temper with him but haven’t gotten it to the stage of not liking him

  3. So true. I agree most of the times our irritation stems from the fact they are not what we would like them to be. We often forget they are individuals. But we moms are human as well and i guess its ok to not like them but only love them. 🙂

  4. I understand you completely. With my elder one I face this situation a lot, I have to accept and make peace that he is an individual with own personality. He cannot be what I was at his age.

  5. This is interesting. Honestly now I understand why I get irritated when my son behaves like my husband or myself – actually we all have similar irritating behaviour at times 😉

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